Let’s hope we can keep the conversations going
The tragic murder of Sarah Everard last week has quite rightly shocked us all and has put a real focus on women’s safety on the streets says St Bartholomew's Hospital director of people Nicole Porter-Garthford.
For me it feels particularly close to home as I grew up in south London and still live there today and the streets that Sarah walked are therefore very familiar to me and a number of my friends.
But in reality, as we know, this isn’t an issue confined to one particular area of London or indeed the rest of the country, and the many postings on social media over the last few days from women sharing their stories are testament to that.
I was reflecting on this over the weekend, with it being Mother's Day last Sunday.
My mum was always that mum who, when I was old enough to go out, told me it didn’t matter where I was or how late it had got, if I got stuck I just had to call her and she would come and pick me up. This didn’t apply to just me, there were often times I called her when I was with female friends and she wouldn’t just pick me up, she would drive them home as well.
My poor Mother spent many nights when I was in my late teens navigating around London to ensure everyone got home safely!
As I started venturing further afield the message was slightly updated to having to promise if I got stuck I would get in a black cab and if I didn’t have enough money she would sort it when I got home. However, again if I was really stuck, to stay where I was (this was before mobile phones were common place) and wait in the phone box if I needed to.
In my early twenties, I went travelling in Australia and towards the end of my trip I got a job working at an event that meant working from the afternoon to quite late into the evening. Of course the first thing my mum, thousands of miles away from me asked when I told her in our weekly email was how will you get home. I told her I would walk the 10-15 minutes back to the hostel I was staying in.
For the two weeks I had that job, every night, without fail, she would ring my mobile and talk to me for the whole time it took me to walk home. We’ve often reflected on this since I came back to the UK on what she would have done if anything had actually happened whilst I was walking. Afterall, she had no real idea where I was or who to contact and this was before GPS on phones.
But it didn’t matter, the purpose of the call was to provide me with some reassurance that if anyone was watching, to all intents and purposes, I was talking to someone who could well have been close by and ready to come and find me if needed.
I was reminded of this during the first lockdown last year where, overnight, the usually busy streets in the City of London emptied and I happened to mention to my mum that it was quite eerie walking to the train station as there was no one around. The next day, as I left work, my phone rang and I probably don’t need to tell you it was my mum, just ringing to talk to me for the five minutes it took to get to the station.
This time I didn’t feel I needed to speak to her every night, just sometimes where it felt particularly lonely on the streets or if I left a bit later. And, whenever I did call, she answered immediately and I knew she was holding the phone in her hand in case I rang.
Now, I know that I shouldn’t have to feel I need to speak to someone on the phone when walking alone in order to help me feel safer. I shouldn’t have to cross the road if someone is walking behind me or hold my keys in my hand. I shouldn’t have to check the back seat of my car before getting in when I get back to the station at the other end.
But, that is the reality and whilst I know the issue is now a key focus and the narrative is changing to how can we help to fix the problem rather than accepting that women often feel the need to do this, things won’t change overnight.
I’m so sorry that this happened to Sarah when she was just doing what we all do all the time, walking home. If something can come of this let’s hope we can keep the conversations going and that we will start to see changes that make all women feel safer.
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