“A year that will be spoken about for the rest of my life” – part 2
Paediatric nurse Tania Olive Collyer, was working in India when Covid-19 hit the UK. Tania shares her story about what it was like leaving her new home and traveling back to the UK to be redeployed to The Queen Elizabeth Unit at The Royal London Hospital.
The patients I’ll never forget
“There are patients that stick in your mind. I cared for a small man in his fifties for two nights in a row. He was on CPAP, a mask to keep his lungs open, which is uncomfortable for long periods of time.
“This gentleman would keep taking off his mask to drink water, and his oxygen saturations would drop. I had to gently push this back on each time; he would get frustrated and I all could do was empathise and apologise. He would finally put his mask back on when he felt his oxygen levels were low – this happened several times.
“During the second night I cared for him, I put his mask back on one last time. He had gotten very out of breath, and once his mask was on, he grabbed my hand and would not let go.
“I knelt by his bed and held his hands telling him how brilliantly he was doing. I could see and feel the fear in him for those few minutes.
“A week later, I could see a flurry of staff around his bed and my heart sank. He had deteriorated and was about to be intubated. It took all my strength to make it out that morning before crying.
“Everything felt so helpless; he had been on CPAP for so long, just to get sicker. I never knew what happened to him; I had this block where I could not look up previous patients I had looked after; I would rather just tell myself he is fine and back home with his family.
“In January something changed.
“Patients who had been on the unit for over 40 days were having their breathing tubes taken out. There was lady in her thirties with two children who everyone had a soft spot for, she had been in intensive care for 50 days and she was scared to leave as we felt like family to her.
“She was going to need a lot of rehabilitation; her body was weak, but her face was fresh. At that point, it all suddenly felt worthwhile; over the coming weeks more people were surviving than dying.”
Our mental health
“It was the year where nurses have given everything to look after their patients an intensive care nurse. A colleague Kez said: ‘not any one can be a good nurse, you have to be someone who puts their patients before themselves’.
“I know of several nurses who have sought counselling, seen their GPs to get sleeping pills and suffered nightmares. It is hard to process the scale of it sometimes.
“We were lucky to have two psychologists available to talk to if needed.
“I spent a few weeks before Christmas crying at the drop of hat when outside of work. I was withdrawn from friends and did not know how to let them know I was struggling. I wanted someone to look after me the same way I was looking after my patients.
“I think as a nurse working in the NHS, we have an ‘I’m fine’ approach. Learning to accept that I was not, was a massive learning curve for me.
“I am not sure I could have given more than I did in this last year, I felt like I was one bead on a long thread.
“We have collectively shared the load and suffering, and every staff member has their happy and sad stories.
“The group of emergency department staff I had been redeployed with helped me the most, as we were coming from the same standing point.”
Capturing a moment in history
“The Royal London Hospital is unique, in that the 14th and 15th floors were empty until the pandemic. The wards were purposely opened to treat patients critically ill with Covid-19.
“Every shift I would walk onto the unit and be blown away by my surroundings, rows of unconscious patients, dependent on us to keep them alive.
“I wanted to capture this moment in time by using my photography skills.
“Taking photos has been cathartic for me. To be there as an observer was such a different experience.
“To witness staff caring for the patient’s is such a beautiful thing to see; to watch them holding their hands and washing their hair. Small things that make up the whole.
“During 2020 the role of the nurse has never been more valued and seen. The clapping, the artwork on the street, all has resulted in nursing training applications increasing by 32%. We have also had the national support for a nursing pay rise, which I hope at some point is recognised and we are in line with other public sector workers.
“The NHS and its staff are formidable. What a beautiful yet challenging thing to have been part of. Staff of all levels coming together to care for the tsunami of Covid-19 patients.
“I feel so proud to have contributed to work for the NHS during this last year, a year that will be spoken about for the rest of my life.”
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